Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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