Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
