just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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