please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
