Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
