Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Randomize
