Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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