He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
