ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
