He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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