no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
