Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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