It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
