Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
