Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
