we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
