that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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