you're like a bully in the Christmas story
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
it glows. i had to have it.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
