fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
These tits shall not be calmed
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
