I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
