Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
