I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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