ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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