True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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