After last night, I could never be a politician.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
