The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
