Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
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Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize