i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize