When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
