It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
