I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
