I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
