Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
