I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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