new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just had sex on a roof
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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