Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
