It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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