I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
