I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
