did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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