I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
