Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
