i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
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so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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