I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
