Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
