I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
