i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
