Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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