Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
