If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
