1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Shame - the story of my life.
I did not marry a roomba.
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