People with herpes should wear stickers.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
