She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
