i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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