we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
