Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i think i just lost a toe
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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