i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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