I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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