Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
