theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
vagina is talking i cant
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
