nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
