and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
